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Living Section of the San Bernardino SUN April 6, 2003 Issue 
What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should) by Ronda Rich The Art of Southern Womanhood There is no denying that in my mind Ole Miss and tiny literary Oxford, Miss., glow tantalizingly in sublime beauty. I plotted and schemed and eventually contrived to return there for Zack's birthday. Except that we were actually going to celebrate his birthday in Natchez. But I had to, absolutely had to visit Square Books, even if just for a few minutes. It was storming and we had a long drive ahead of us on the Natchez Trace and dallying in Oxford was not wise. I plied Zack with extravagant bribes and as any dutiful son would do, he acquiesced to a brief visit to this extraordinary bookstore. Going into Square Books is entirely different from going into Barnes & Noble or Borders. At Square Books there is a patina of timelessness, a sense of literary tradition. The books displayed and on the shelves are different, not the usual best sellers. I wanted to find a book that would let me be totally immersed into something Southern. It took only moments to spy "What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should)" by Ronda Rich. " Timeless Secrets to Get Everything You Want in Love, Life, and Work" proclaimed the subtitle. Decidedly not the sort of thing Gloria Steinem and Co. would approve of. But how does this differ from all the other books that advise us on how to win and succeed in the workplace, I rationalized. It is all advice on trickery and on "the art of letting someone have it your way." My conscience appeased this way, I couldn't wait to dip into the secrets that make Southern women so alluring, resilient, strong and yes, as a result - powerful. But there was the matter of getting to Natchez and the old plantation where we were going to stay. In exchange for time spent in Square Books, I had promised Zack that we would drive all the way on the Natchez Trace. And we drove, for what seemed like interminable time, in a perfectly horrid storm, trying to avoid the scurrying possums and fallen limbs and trees while listening repeatedly to a Bob Dylan and the Band rendition of "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down". Finally, at the Monmouth Plantation, amidst its ghostly portraits of Southern belles and gentlemen, its original 1830s furniture and under its Baccarat crystal chandeliers with gas light, I was able to delve into my book. Although I enjoyed the book immensely, I did not find in it any unusual and cabalistic secrets of conniving tricks to help me as a woman, let others have things my way. What I found instead was sound and logical advice on the winning aspects of character, how the old-fashioned notion that grace, charm, compassion, kindness, civility - all those nebulous attributes of character -would do much more for a person than aggressiveness, rudeness and bullying. Southern women, writes the author in the Introduction, "are the backbone of a region once laid waste by war, death, famine, and destruction." Their inner strength and will to survive, Rich maintains, sprang from the ashes of the Civil War. Prewar refinement and hospitality coupled with survival of war and devastation, has made Southern women "independent and indestructible with strong oak interiors beautifully camouflaged with an overlay of sweet honeysuckle vines." And the unique thing about this is that these characteristics cut across racial and socio-economic lines and are common to all Southern women. "We tackle life," writes Rich, "with a customized and paradoxical blend of toughness and kindness." Southern women, writes the author in the Introduction, "are the backbone of a region once laid waste by war, death, famine, and destruction." Their inner strength and will to survive, Rich maintains, sprang from the ashes of the Civil War. Prewar refinement and hospitality coupled with survival of war and devastation, has made Southern women "independent and indestructible with strong oak interiors beautifully camouflaged with an overlay of sweet honeysuckle vines." And the unique thing about this is that these characteristics cut across racial and socio-economic lines and are common to all Southern women. "We tackle life," writes Rich, "with a customized and paradoxical blend of toughness and kindness." Charm, that elusive quality in woefully scarce supply these days, is "the biggest key to a Southern woman's success in life," the author tells us. Oscar Wild wrote: "You don't judge people by whether they are good or bad but whether they are charming or tedious." But he, like many others before and after him, failed to define charm. For author Ronda Rich it is simply "the art of making others feel good about themselves and about you." "Create warmth wherever you go; always notice everyone around you; establish instant rapport; treat everyone with equal kindness and respect; be gracious, thoughtful, and always considerate of others and their feelings; don't hesitate to compliment - especially other women" and keep in mind that "more flies are caught with honey than with vinegar," these are some of the things on the author's list that lend charm to a Southern woman. That is not to say that Rich leaves out completely the feminine mystique. "Be utterly feminine and flaunt your femininity," she advises us because she believes that femininity is an advantage in both the business and social worlds. And it makes perfect sense to me. If a woman is confident in her knowledge and abilities, then femininity should lend her that extra dimension of grace? Of intuition? Of sensitivity? But does the author advocate cultivating cunning and manipulative female tricks? Perhaps - a few, things like high heels, dressing to kill, perfectly coordinated makeup, staged romantic settings, girlish innocence, drama. But for the most part, she claims, Southern women are not manipulative. "Manipulation comes from the mind," Rich tells us, whereas the charm of Southern women is the product of the heart and is a form of persuasion. Flirtation is another thing Southern women cultivate. But not your ordinary seductive flirtation. "Our special brand of flirtation is not sexual," writes the author, "but rather a unique and useful people skill." Rich calls this "social flirting," and says that it "was born and perfected in the South." Ultimately, Rich reminds us, "character and sprit are the true beauty of a woman." And Southern women dwell on learning to be polite, considerate, thoughtful and gracious, all attributes of character and spirit. Altogether - advice to heed. The significant thing here is that the attributes of character which make Southern women special were once upon a time basic necessities for success in general but seem to have fallen by the wayside and that it is Southern women who carry the torch and continue to keep them alive. Ophelia Georgiev Roop Library Director San Bernardino Public Library |
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